I’m so glad the holidays are now upon us. Christmas is always a special time for me - getting crap I don’t need, eating too much, singing praise about the birth of everyone’s favorite cosmic Jewish zombie.  Anyway, I think what Christmas reminds me of the most are the times with my grandmother. I remember one christmas eve at our yearly family get together when I shared some special time with my grandmother:

“Timmy,” said my grandma, “come sit on my lap.” I thought I was getting too big for sitting on her lap. I was almost in seventh grade! To be nice though, I sat on her lap and was surprised to find I still just barely fit.

 ”Timmy,” grandma said, “now that you’re older and past the birds and the bees, I’ll let you in on a little secret about the ladies.”

“What’s that, grandma?” I asked awkwardly, and making sure no one else was listening so I wouldn’t get embarassed.

“Timmy, what you need to know about us ladies is that if it wasn’t for pussy, there’d be a bounty on us.”

“Ok, Grandma.”

I ran off that night not thinking much of our talk. I’ve since grown up and now have a family of my own. But every Christmas since, I’ve always thought of that special time with my grandma one Christmas eve, and of how right she really was.

Amen and pass the potata’s.

Timmy