I’m so glad the holidays are now upon us. Christmas is always a special time for me - getting crap I don’t need, eating too much, singing praise about the birth of everyone’s favorite cosmic Jewish zombie.  Anyway, I think what Christmas reminds me of the most are the times with my grandmother. I remember one christmas eve at our yearly family get together when I shared some special time with my grandmother:

“Timmy,” said my grandma, “come sit on my lap.” I thought I was getting too big for sitting on her lap. I was almost in seventh grade! To be nice though, I sat on her lap and was surprised to find I still just barely fit.

 ”Timmy,” grandma said, “now that you’re older and past the birds and the bees, I’ll let you in on a little secret about the ladies.”

“What’s that, grandma?” I asked awkwardly, and making sure no one else was listening so I wouldn’t get embarassed.

“Timmy, what you need to know about us ladies is that if it wasn’t for pussy, there’d be a bounty on us.”

“Ok, Grandma.”

I ran off that night not thinking much of our talk. I’ve since grown up and now have a family of my own. But every Christmas since, I’ve always thought of that special time with my grandma one Christmas eve, and of how right she really was.

Amen and pass the potata’s.

Timmy

Grape Kool-Aid. Why does grape Kool-Aid give you green poop? listen

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Well, sometimes Jott just doesn’t get it right. This is a good example of that. I called, left a message, it left out parts, got things wrong, etc. While the mistakes are usually funny, it’s not so funny when it’s missing parts of the message.

I like big butts and I cannot lie. Ok, I lied, I hate big butts. I want nice normal sized butts.

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Hey all. It is me, taking a shit and posting here on Hoopee! Man I love these internet gadgets. I mean, seriously, why sit here pooping and doing nothing when I could be dropping the kids off at the pool and at the same time surfing or something else.

Do you think the other people in the bathroom wonder what is going on when they hear a camera shutter sound from my phone?

Doing my business, originally uploaded by alienmeatsack.

Ok, I hate the stuff like everyone else does. So why is it that over 50% of our internet bandwidth is wasted with the stuff and NO ONE can do anything about it?

With that said aside, I get a few gems in my email here and there and thought I’d post a few of the more interesting titles for you…

Re: The pelican one, what the fuck?

Hello, hello Hoopeans. This is alien meet Zack(?) your favorite and most wonderful friend who resurrected Hooppee from the dead and I’m wondering on this night of Halloween Chaos are you resurrected from the dead and if not, are you a wrecked from the dead? Think about it. Have a good evening. listen

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I dunno what this zombie was doing but it looked uncomfortable.

Hello Nubians(?), it is I Alien […] calling to remind you that today is National Touch Yourself with a banana day if you don’t have a banana, a piece of orange, or possible even a cantaloupe slice will do. Thank you and have a nice day. listen

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I think that says it all.

AT&T SUCKS.

You fuckers know you suck too don’t you!

also go Rockies

These 2 Bards walk into a bar. The bartender asks the first one what he wants to drink and he replies, “The finest ale you have!” So the bartender hands him his ale. Then looks at the 2nd Bard and asks him the same, “What would you like to drink?” And the 2nd Bard smiles and says…

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I found this comic on a site today and thought it was funnizzle.

Prong is back ladies and gentlemen. And holy shit are they back with a vengance!

Tommy Victor has unleased a hell storm with their new release, “Power of the Damager”. I say hell storm because this album is so mind numbingly fast and furious that when you listen to it, it kicks up dirt in Hell!

Forget Scorpio Rising, this is Cleansing’s wicked brother. Hard card, fast, furious, and all Prong baby!